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Lumberwoods
U N N A T U R A L   H I S T O R Y   M U S E U M

“  V A M P I R E   R E C O R D S  
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[Laughter.] When the British officers went to India to view the solar eclipse, the natives kindled immense fires for the purpose of blotting out the sun, so that the foreigners might not steal it. The officers, however, trampled out the fire and renewed their work. So might enlightenment ever trample upon error and superstition in every land, so that science might prosper. [Loud applause.] The natives also threw out into the streets every particle of food in their houses, in order to bribe the devil not to steal their sun! [Laughter.] A strange thing about the whole matter was that devils were always described as lean. Whoever heard of a fat devil? Shakespeare put into the mouth of Caesar his comment on “lean Cassius,” and added, “such men are dangerous.” Marc Antony attempted to defend Cassius, but the great conqueror replied: “Would he were fatter!” [Great laughter.] Argan fables made devils out as being fair to look at in the front, but hollow in the back. Some of them were so thin and so hollow that they cast no shadow. The lecturer went on to enumerate the diverse superstitions of many countries, and said that in the east; the plague was considered a demon. So terrible was the fear created by it that the natives lay down to die in abject cowardice. An eastern paper tells how a traveler met a woman on the wayside, en route to Damascus. He asked her whence she came, and she replied: “From yonder city. I am the plague. Ten thousand people lie dead in the streets of Damascus. Of these I have slain one thousand, and fear killed all the rest.” The idea of the present devil first originated in Persia, X
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where the philosophers considered that the universe was divided into two hostile camps by a great wall, one camp held by a God and the other by a devil. Once invented, the devil made rapid strides. [Laughter.] He could not be laid. It relieved the Deity of all that was bad in nature, and it gave man an excuse for his misdeeds [Laughter.] In the latter point of view, the devil might be considered a remarkable success. [Laughter.] In the book of Job there was not one word of evil against the moral character of the devil. [Laughter.] He is always mentioned with great respect, and if any lawyers that were present would excuse him, he might say that the devil figured in the Old Testament as a kind of prosecuting attorney. [Roars of laughter.] The lecturer at this point showed many sketches of the devil, which were very interesting. He described all about the supposed habits of these demons, and created great merriment. ”Mephistopholes” had been made to say, in Faust, when the people were calling for money, a cry not unfamiliar at this day, “I’ll get my printing-press and give them plenty of paper money.” [Laughter and cheers.] The residue of the lecture went to convey the idea that there was no personal devil, and that all good men who labored faithfully to serve their kind would meet their reward, no matter how many demons stood between them and eternity. [Long-continued applause.]
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From— Memphis Daily Appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.), 21 Nov. 1875. Chronicling America: Historic American Newspapers. Lib. of Congress.
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